Cheating: Do men or women forgive more easily?

Infidelity is one of the most common reasons for breaking up for heterosexual couples, with researchers who studied 160 different cultures around the world finding that this theory holds true across the globe.

However, men and women view each type of infidelity differently.

• Men usually take physical infidelity – when their partner has sex with someone else – more seriously than women.
• Women take emotional infidelity—when their partner begins an intimate relationship with another person—more seriously.

Both sexes forgive the same
Although they experience each type of infidelity differently, men and women are almost equally willing to forgive their partners, with findings showing that the degree of forgiveness is not related to the type of infidelity.

“We were impressed to find that the differences between the sexes were not that big. The mechanisms that motivate forgiveness are more or less identical in both sexes,” explains Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair from the Department of Psychology at the University of Norway, who co-authored the present study published in the Journal of Relationships Research.

The potential threat to the relationship is more important
The research team included 92 couples in the study who were asked to fill out a questionnaire about problems described in hypothetical scenarios where their partner had committed some kind of infidelity.

• One scenario described the partner having sex with another person, but not falling in love.
• In the other scenario, the partner falls in love with the other person, but they don’t have sex.

So how willing were the participants to forgive their partners? As it turns out, men and women process their partner’s infidelity almost identically.

“Most people, regardless of gender and type of infidelity, believe that they are unlikely to forgive their partner’s infidelity. Whether or not a couple divorces basically depends on how threatening the infidelity that has occurred is to the relationship. The more threatening the infidelity, the worse for the relationship,” explains the first author of the study, Trond Viggo Grøntvedt.

Willing to Forgive
Whether the two partners believe their relationship can continue also depends on how willing they are to forgive each other, especially without distancing themselves from each other.

Of course, there are great individual differences, even between people of the same sex. “People react differently to infidelity, depending on their personality and circumstances. Many people might think that couples who have a strong relationship would be better prepared to endure infidelity, but our study did not suggest that,” says Professor Mons Bendixen.

Responsibilities and infidelity
There is another aspect that comes into play in cases of emotional infidelity, where no sexual act has taken place. How much responsibility should the unfaithful partner take for what happened?

“The degree of blame attributed to the partner was associated with willingness to forgive. The relationship is more at risk if the partner is forced to take a large part of the responsibility for ending a personal relationship with another person,” emphasizes Dr. Bendixen and concludes:

“The liability factor, however, does not play a role when the partner is naturally unfaithful. If someone has sex with another person, it doesn’t really matter if they think it was their fault or the other person’s fault. Possible forgiveness does not depend on acceptance of this responsibility.’

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